Remember, School Is For Kids...Not Parents!

Wow! Where did the summer go. Barely back from vacation, my time has been spent with more loads of laundry than I can county and a flurry of back to school stuff. Vacation seems like a world away already and it was really just a few days ago that we were traveling some of our favorite spots in Canada.

Back to school comes with some unfun realities, doesn't it? For me, I'd have to include the early rising, the homework, and the afterschool madness. But, those quickly fade when I think about a the upsides of school. How about the look on our kids faces as they discover they can do that problem that looked impossible only seconds ago? Or, the bounce in their steps when they land a part in a school play or get on a school team, not knowing before the audition or try out day that they "had it"?

What worries me each and every school year is I worry that too many parents forget that the school experience is really for the kids. Parents need to be involved - and should be - but there has to be a balance. There really is such a thing as "over involvement" when it comes to a child's school life and many parents have trouble figuring out where the line is. All you have to do is walk into any school in any town USA to see this in motion. You'll see many parents volunteer here and there, attending their kids events when they occur. But, there is always a group of parents who are always in the school and classroom. Those are the parents I worry about because the kids of those parents never have the opportunity to spread their wings without the ever watchful eye of their parent. That's just not healthy for the child or the parent.

ABCNews discussed this recently and agrees. For young kids just starting school, it is certainly important to help with the separation. But, as the ABC News article points out, there has to be a balance between helping a child transition and hovering. With so many kids attending preschool, most kids can transition to kindergarten beautifully - it is the parents who have the trouble realizing that their young children can do well without them for a few hours.

As kids get in the upper years of elementary school and certainly by middle school and high school, it just isn't appropriate for parents to hover like that. The only way preteens and young teens learn to be responsible and embrace their developing maturity is to have some rope to run with. Will they drop a few balls along the way? You bet. But, most will pick them up and keep ongoing. That's what those years are all about.

As school starts this year, be active participants. Be there to help your child discover wonderful new interests and reach for the stars in ways he or she has never considered before. Just be sure you remember that this is your child's childhood not yours. Be involved in school but draw a line and be vigilant for cues you are over involved - those may be your child telling you to not come to school so much or you or family or friends noticing the school is taking up too much of your time.

So, trust in your child and trust in the the school. And, don't be so free of giving your free time to your child's school. After all, you've already gone to school - you don't have to repeat it just because your child is now in school.

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